Our Book Club member tells us why she both loves and hates debut selection PRETTY BITCHES and why the essay ‘Lucky’ lit her up
Q&A with Jennifer Lankford
What is your overall impression of the first quarter’s book selection PRETTY BITCHES?
I love it, and I sort of hate it. I love it, because of the strength of women, the strength we’ve all built to survive moving through the world, no matter our backgrounds. The collection of essays are beautifully written, and I appreciate the diverse voices and perspectives. And I hate it for some of the same reasons — no matter where (or how) we were raised, we’re forced into this contrived, invisible set of “rules” set by men, and often by other women, on how we should be or look or respond to situations and live in society. It’s obnoxious, to say it nicely.
You shared with the Book Club chat channel that you really enjoyed the essay Lucky, by Glynnis Macnicol. Why did this one resonate?
Like the author, I too am a single, 40-year-old “geriatric millennial” who’s successful by most measures, and I’m happily childless by choice.
Jennifer Lankford
However, I’ve thought a lot about the “value'' of my life this past year and half, sailing through the pandemic in my cozy quiet home, taking trips whenever I want to, finding myself lonely at times, yet reveling in my solitude. I get to make the choice to be with people when I want to and escape back into my cozy den when I’m done. Am I lucky, do I have a real purpose, am I selfish for this, do I matter? The value that society puts on women to be married and have children, while misplaced, sometimes makes me feel like a failure despite my successes and happiness. And like her, I have definitely had those massages, not only to relax but to feel some human contact. I feel her 100 percent!
Glynnis’ essay really surfaces how gender bias is embedded into the use of the word ‘lucky’ when describing women. What was your take on that?
Glynnis points out that we really are the first generation of women to have these choices before us– thanks to birth control, our own bank accounts and better career opportunities than our mothers had. And thanks to all of the women before us who fought for these rights. We are pretty lucky to live in this generation, but we’re still bound by some old school traditions and we’re still fighting for our rights. We are lucky to have the option of making our choices and we are lucky to get to choose work and success in whatever way we define it. But calling our success ‘lucky” really just undermines and minimizes all of the hard work and sacrifices it requires. {Editor’s note: Glynnis also writes about how men are applauded for career achievements with the world ‘congratulations,’ while women are often told ‘wow, you’re so lucky to gave that opportunity.’}
You shared with our Club that the lifestyle choices she’s made connected with you, too. Can you tell us more about how you’ve been intentional about the life you’ve built for yourself and how luck has or hasn’t factored into that?
Like the author, I worked hard and made difficult choices to earn this ‘luck’ and life I live. I was raised by fundamentalists who wanted me to believe that finding “the one!!” and having children was what I was supposed to do. So the internal dialogue and deprogramming from this worldview was no easy feat. Much to their chagrin, I rejected that plan and forged my own. I am estranged, which is painful, but I have no regrets.
I’m “lucky” in that I was born into a middle class, white, cis hetero body in America in a certain time and grew up in a well funded public school district. I’m lucky that I apparently was born with an internal compass that steered me to humanism and a much bigger worldview. I’m lucky that I got that one interview ages ago that turned into my career today, and that I get to travel the world.
But I made the choice to put myself through college, work three jobs, six days a week while studying and then later clawing my way out of debt. I chose to stand up for who I wanted to be even if it meant estrangement. I made the choice to go after that job and put my hat in the ring in the first place. I’ve chosen to leave relationships with men that were intimidated by my success or simply weren’t along for the ride to move out of state for my dreams. And that’s perfectly fine. I get to write my story, and I get to define my success and value, and reap the rewards.
Luck be a lady {from Glynnis’ essay}... with grit, resolve, some tears along the way, and a lot of hard work.
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