How one woman turned the love and empathy she showered on others toward herself and re-embraced her creative life

Our Q&A with Leydi Margaret Ferreira inspires all of us to consider the path not taken

This month we’ve been exploring what kinds of things are factored into women’s decisions to leave the workforce or take a pause. Leydi Margaret Ferreira has so much wisdom to share with the Story Changes Culture community on this topic. A married mother of three children, the pandemic led her down a path to explore her compounded grief and to reimagine her creative life. This meant leaving her job in healthcare, deep conversations with her partner and many considerations for her family. She tells us how she started down this path and what her days look like now. Leydi Margaret is currently pursuing her MFA in Creative Writing at Pacific University’s low-residency program. I met her at the University’s January residency, where we were in workshop together. 

Jennifer: Heyyyyy! First, we’d love to learn a little bit about you, Leydi Margaret. Where are you from and what’s in your fridge?

Leydi: Hi. First, thank you for chatting with me. It is a privilege to be among the many talented women that you have featured. I live in New Jersey with my husband, three kids and two dogs. As for what is in my fridge? My partner and I used to be super lazy as young adult professionals, and we could have easily lived on takeout for the rest of our lives. But with kids that is impossible. Over the past year, we have begun doing a lot of meal prepping, which has freed a ton of time during the week for more reading and writing, haha. 

We of course aim for healthy and balanced, but the kids sometimes wear us down by the end of the week and we end up doing pizza. We’ve begun to outsmart them by making enough meals to last into the weekend so we don’t fall down the takeout rabbit hole.

Coconut water is my personal treat and since I’m terrible at hydrating I feel like I’m hacking life by tossing in a natural electrolyte. I have an obsession with all things chocolate related, and while I don’t deprive myself, I do try to be a good example as much as possible for the kids.

Leydi Margaret Ferreira

Jennifer: We’re inspired by women who make the big leaps and dream in vivid colors of possibility. How did you arrive at the decision to take a pause in your work life and how did that lead you to pursuing your MFA?

Leydi: I arrived back to writing during the pandemic. At the time, I was working in healthcare. I liked what I did because I was good at it and after my earlier years of being a stay at home parent, I relished the separation of my identity outside of being a caregiver. Though it’s not lost on me that I pivoted to a care position outside of the home. During lockdown I struggled, and at the time I didn’t realize that all the compounding grief I was processing was about so much grief I hadn’t previously faced. Lockdown pushed all of that to the forefront of my psyche. All I could do was write. 

I have always written, but only for myself. I’d abandoned any writing pursuits I may have had while graduating college the spring after 9/11. I was aware that while I had stories to share, I was unpolished. And so, like with everything else I’ve done, I began my own DIY journey through writing spaces that had now become accessible to me as everything had moved online. If years before I had wanted to attend a writing residency, I had to think about the real life implications of travel and childcare. Because of the pandemic, writing spaces were now on Zoom. Suddenly I could attend nighttime readings while fixing dinner for my kids. The forced pause, along with the opening of previously unavailable spaces, gave me a peek into the real possibility of truly making this part of my life. 

But nothing is linear, right? Since I was in healthcare, I was eventually called back to work pretty fast. And like a forgotten dream I put this idea aside and went back to work. But something had changed. Eventually, through a series of realizations, my partner and I came to a decision that I would quit healthcare and pursue writing seriously.

As a mother and a wife, I did not allow myself to come to that decision on my own. But within a month of being home, my oldest, a very taciturn teen at that time, turned to me and said: 

“I am glad you’re home and we get to see you. You were so tired before.” 

I hadn’t realized how being away from them was affecting them. There was so much that I didn’t know. I took classes and workshops and networked with other creatives where I live in New Jersey. I quickly realized that I was missing the focus that comes with an MFA. I feel extremely blessed that I get to do this. I am lucky to have a supportive partner who has encouraged my journey. It’s been a partnership from the beginning. We have grown and pivoted accordingly together.

Jennifer: How does being a woman, the matriarch of your family, impact big decisions like this?

Leydi: The careers I’ve had have always had a focus on, “can I do this with the kids?” That is to say, they are always considered a part of the pros and cons list. I don’t see my partner ever having to consider that as a man. I have witnessed him do career shifts for the better without needing to consider family implications outside of the financial aspect. It is just not something that he considered earlier in the marriage. If he needed to travel, he’d travel. For me, whatever I considered, I would not allow it to infringe on his career. I was also raised very traditionally, and that influenced the early years of my marriage. I thought that it was my duty. Later on, unpacking all that and how it manifested in our marriage, which bred resentment, he said, “But I never asked you to do that.”  

He was right. I put so much on myself and I made decisions on my own for the family. When we started to truly communicate, things fell into place much better, and I stopped putting so much on myself.

“But I have also learned that deep caring includes deep care for myself and my needs as well. And when I’ve strived for that balance is when I’ve been happiest.”

Jennifer: How have these decisions impacted you and the way you think about your time? How has it impacted those around you?

Leydi: I am a work in progress, but now I consider and value my time, whereas before I didn’t. I’ve had to do a lot of work around boundaries, with others and with myself. And it is such a common thread with women. I am always curious to ask women what their relationship with boundaries is. It’s such a big one in our lives. As a mother, I am constantly navigating “the right thing to do” and “does this serve everyone, including me?” And that question doesn’t always yield easy answers. As a mom, I am always doing things in the function of my family. And to be honest, I am empathetic, and I don’t regret what I do for others, because it usually comes from genuine care. That is why I loved healthcare so much. 

But I have also learned that deep caring includes deep care for myself and my needs as well. And when I’ve strived for that balance is when I’ve been happiest.

Jennifer: What does a typical day look like for you now?

Leydi: Since having our youngest effectively outnumbered us, my husband and I have worked hard at establishing routines through much trial and error. To that point, a typical day for me looks like getting up early and doing what I call the school run routine (breakfast, packing lunch, driving them to school). Once I’m back home, I’ll work on tasks for about 30 minutes. Each day has its own concentration, but laundry is every day. I’ll then sit, have a coffee, meditate for a few minutes and do morning pages. Then I’ll move to my small desk and commit to at least 3-5 uninterrupted hours of work. Work is reading, writing and doing anything writing-related, such as looking for submission opportunities that would be a good fit. This is an ideal morning of course, barring appointments and interruptions, which then becomes an average of three hours.

After school and our afternoon routines, which run the gamut from doctor appointments to after school activities, I’ll try to settle in to get two to three more hours of work, usually finishing whatever I started in the morning, and more reading. Every writer worth their mettle advises that to be a good writer, you need to be a voracious reader. I try to read any chance I get, which isn’t always easy as I didn’t always have the best reading habits but I have made a way.

Jennifer: What does living a creative life mean to you?

Leydi: Pursuing beauty in all its forms. 

It’s a family hike in a national park or a nature preserve. It’s making a great cup of coffee in a quiet house after drop off and allowing the silence to settle you. 

It’s coming up with three separate ideas for scenes in the middle of washing dishes and forcing yourself to pause and jot the ideas down, because you think you’ll remember at bedtime, but you won’t. 

It’s keeping a notepad on the night stand knowing that you’ll get creative ideas in the middle of the night so you better jot them down. 

It’s reading different genres. Exploring all genres of music. It’s reading a craft essay in the car while waiting for school to let out. 

It’s looking at art whenever possible and reading about art and seeing how other creatives build language. It’s having great conversations with people. Immersing yourself in all of it, being fed by it. 

It’s the lifelong pursuit of listening to your own instinct. 

In my desk, I have a written question that I heard from another creative online, “Who are you uninterrupted?” Every day when I sit at the desk, if I’m struggling to begin, I will go back to that question as a springboard. My very busy life anchors me and yet it doesn’t fully define me. 

I am a universe.