Pandemic showcases resilience of executive leader and mom
By Avital Arora
I’ll admit it. I’ve always been a guilty mom. Which of us working moms hasn’t let out a sigh every time we’ve missed a field trip or the opportunity to read books with our child’s class? Yeah, that’s me.
Four years ago I had tears in my eyes when I heard, “I know you don’t have time to read this book to me because you have a meeting, mom. I’ll try to read it myself.” But you know what? That little boy is now a voracious reader! Over time, I’ve learned to prioritize the things that are important to me, miss the rest and I find my peace with it.
But the pandemic changed everything. Our family was adjusting and finding its way around for the first few weeks, but soon remote school picked up and the work cadence went back in full swing.
Remember when Professor Kelly’s daughter came sashaying in during a video interview with the BBC while he was trying to explain South Korean politics to the world? Well, my Professor Kelly moment was nowhere as glamorous when my son burst into the room while I was in the middle of a roadmap meeting. “MOMMM I can’t find my glue stick.” While folks said, “Oh go take care of your son,” I felt like I showed up as someone who didn’t have things under control.
Avital Arora
My son was super distracted and not enjoying remote school. I felt like he was not learning at all. I read all kinds of reports and material that urged parents to stop worrying about their child’s academic progress and to focus instead on happiness. But I didn’t internalize any of it.
In parallel, I was stuck at home, not meeting any friends or coworkers, which had been a regular part of my self care and independent social time. And I wasn’t making any time for remote networking or casually hanging out via zoom because I was so tired after 8+ hours of back to back video calls and I wanted to spend time with family.
But I strongly believe in showing up as a leader at work, so I wanted to check in even more than usual with my team and extended staff to make sure that my team had my support. I was actively listening to their input on what we could do better to help everyone manage as best as they could in a global pandemic. I could yell at my husband when I was mad :) But I wondered, how were single parents coping, or folks who live alone and struggling with being cooped up with no avenues to socialize? Now was not the time to bother the team with my problems; now was the time to be an inspiring leader, coach and guide for the team.
“I realized that I have to take care of myself first, and only then can I take care of my team and my family.”
But I was exhausted. And miserable! I realized that I needed to change something - if I wanted to stay sane through this unprecedented crisis. I realized that when I brought my son in to say hi at my staff meeting, I was making it “ok” for my team to be human, to let their child play in the background or to step away to get a snack, or to say that they needed to block off Tuesday and Thursday afternoons to help their child with school.
I realized that every meeting didn’t need video on, so I took the leap of faith and said “let’s make this a walk-and-talk phone 1x1.” In doing this, I inadvertently encouraged other folks to do the same!
I realized that if I blocked off lunch hour and made time to eat lunch with my family, I was not just saying to my team “prioritize your family,” I was actually being a role model.
I realized that just because we didn’t have a team offsite, didn’t mean that we couldn’t order (and expense) lunch and just eat (or drink) and vent together.
I realized that I have to take care of myself first, and only then can I take care of my team and my family.
Over time, I hope that all of us don’t blindly go back to the pre-pandemic days but are more purposeful about what we bring as new habits into this new normal. While I hope most of you didn’t reach the breaking point, I am more determined than ever to ruthlessly prioritize, outsource, delegate and simply say no to certain things, both at home and at work!
The Why Women Still Can’t Have It All” op-ed has struck a chord with me every time I’ve read it, and post pandemic I’m even more determined to help my fellow moms, parents and dog lovers humanize the workplace more and <quoting from the op-ed> value the people they love as much as the success they seek.