Why every woman needs a space for grace

By Juli Schneiderman

Our stories are as unique as our fingerprints. They are what people hold onto and share to keep memories and traditions alive.  Like carriers of culture and history they have the power to educate, entertain, and change our perceptions. Stories teach us about the human condition. And as much as stories can teach us about empathizing with others - they can also teach us to empathize with ourselves. 

The world is changing and with the advent of social networking there’s more accessibility to people’s stories than ever before. The problem is that many of these stories are tainted by inaccurate filters and egocentric self promotion. People show only what they want you to see, often cutting out the messy and less desirable parts of their stories. This selective sharing shifts the narrative and expectations of what is “normal,” and these unrealistic standards can cause anxiety and depression. It is especially damaging to girls and women infiltrated by the wrong messages about how we take up space in this world.        

As a 42 year old wife, and mother of 3 searching for my North Star, I was looking for a place to process my own story. But given all the trappings of social media I felt I needed to create space for a new narrative that served me and others better. I desired to hear my true self through all the noise. I wanted to find a way to give myself and others the power of grace.

And that’s when I came up with The Space 4 Grace: a sacred space just for women to safely share their experiences and to uplift and encourage one another. I dreamt of a  live event with storytelling, speakers, music, dance, comedy, love, healing, laughter and light. My brother owns a theater in L.A (called Dynasty Typewriter) and so I had a physical space, and without much of a plan or experience (but a whole lot of purpose!) I picked a date. I took a deep breath, told the critical voice in my head to fuck off, and began my life’s work.

Juli Schneiderman, creator of the Space 4 Grace

I told all the participants that The Space 4 Grace was a place where women could tell their funniest story, stories about what monsters keep them up at night, their most embarrassing/magical/terrifying experiences, or the recipes and secrets passed down from their great great grandmother.  I wanted to hear about when they discovered their sexuality or orientation, when they rebelled from their culture or realized that what they thought was set in stone wasn’t after all… and everything in between. But especially, the ways women find their grace.

Grace to me is ALL the grey area in life. The things we don’t yet know, don’t understand, need to accept and want to change.  It’s the things we need to forgive ourselves and others for, our imperfections, indiscretions and the countless notes for next time. Grace is understanding how to love ourselves despite and because of. Grace is learning how to live in a world with different points of view, beliefs, cultures, ideologies and varying degrees of pretty much everything. 

But in order to give myself Grace… I had to understand all these things. And in the process of understanding myself I needed to understand others. 

The Space 4 Grace became an experience more than an event, and unexpectedly, a great big experiment, and all the participants were invited to come along.  I tried different formats, themes and ideas with each one. I infused music, movie clips that tied into the themes, meditation and storytellers of all kinds including live musicians, comedians, dancers and poets. 

It became a potpourri of women, both novice and seasoned, who all gifted their time and energy not for personal gain but because they wanted to be a part of a cultural shift. The events became as much about the journey the storytellers went on in their preparations to share bravely on stage as the audience’s ability to be active and compassionate listeners. 

I am not a public speaker, producer or someone comfortable on stage but the events are driven by passion and it allows me to show up and share in all my awkward glory. I have ADD, anxiety, I take meds, and I overthink about my overthinking. But I have created a space where I belong and am loved and get to love others back. It is the driving force that keeps me going when my mind needs soothing.  I know it’s ok. It’s why we are here. To build a muscle we are not used to flexing - together as women. It’s not a show. It’s an amazing experience that evolves and grows as we do.  I wanted a real space, accessible for everyone.  I wanted a space to appeal to a large demographic,  people who don’t have access to events like this. 

I wanted to provide a platform for all women to share their stories. Real, rough, honest, messy, awkward …. And I wanted the audience to be the same: moms, aunts, co-workers, the cashier at the market, a recovering addict, someone who chose never to have kids or couldn’t, or an 85-year-old with lessons in her every crease. I wanted a space where you would see both a housekeeper and her employer sit together in a space they would usually never share, or two teens from opposite worlds, realizing neither one of them is immune to life…. I wanted to hold a safe space for change.... first with our own lives, then with our families, and finally rippling out to our communities.

“A women who heals herself, heals her mother, heals her daughter, and heals every women around her.”

I can’t remember where I found this quote, but it stayed with me. The power of owning our own stories and sharing them bravely with others, is essential if we want to evolve as women. As human beings.

The stories of the women in my family have caused generational trauma. But understanding them and being able to talk to my grandma and mom and see the cards I have been dealt are so powerful because it has given me the opportunity to break the cycle with my own daughter. With understanding comes grace. And in The Space 4 Grace we do that on a communal level. By allowing vulnerability and our truth to retell our narratives with our own voices, in our own time. 

I have always had a yearning that has pulled me towards the feminine energy and its gravitational pull towards truth, power, and healing. It’s a force that cycles and connects us to the universe.

The space I take up on this earth is my value, purpose, love and connection. It has been a long road to get to this place and I know it’s still a struggle. I wouldn't say I have found my voice yet, but I have certainly found my courage. I allow myself to experiment and try things on, each experience serving as an opportunity to grow. The honesty and support The Space 4 Grace has given me is helping me to uncloud the old narratives so I can finally see my North Star.